The Sore Losers of Hell

Alright, so it's clear from the beginning of Paradise Lost that the devils are the losers here. They lost a great battle with God and they all ended up being chained to a fiery lake of doom in Hell. Honestly, they should've just given up on it all and realized that God would always have the upper hand here. But of course, they had to make things difficult, because as my mother would say, "then there wouldn't be a story." Satan's buddies are all like, "wait, this isn't supposed to happen this way. We have to do something about this!" And he realizes that yeah, this situation ain't too cool.

So basically they decide that they need to destroy God's latest and greatest creation: man. Which, I mean, is slightly annoying because it's like bro, we didn't do anything to you. But you know, whatever, this is Milton's world and we're just living in it. So anyway, the devils decide they need a volunteer and Satan's all like "ooh pick me! Pick me! I'll be the hero in this story!" As if anyone would've wanted this to happen differently.

Anyway, so Satan goes to the gates of Hell and finds even more allies in his quest to screw up God's day. I mean, of course, this starts to become super incestuous and uncomfortable for all of us, so I'll just stop at that, but I'll leave you with this: Sin has been through one hell of a life, if you know what I mean.